The Real Cost of Crap Merch (Hint: It Ain’t Cheap)

You saved $2 per unit… and lost every customer’s respect.

Cheap merch looks like a win—until you realize all you bought was landfill with a logo on it.

The truth is: garbage merch is costing your brand far more than it saves. It’s burning trust, clogging bins, and dragging your logo down with it. Whether it’s a dodgy pen that skips by lunch or a stubby cooler that flakes after one beer, low-quality gear sends a loud message: “We don’t give a shit.”

Let’s break down exactly what crap merch is costing you—and what to do instead.

✍️ Pens That Write You Off

The World Doesn’t Need Another Bad Pen

You know the one. Clicky. Light as air. Won’t write unless you tilt it like you’re trying to summon help with Morse code. Pens are one of the most handed-out promo items—and one of the most binned.

Sure, they’re affordable. But affordable promotional pens often mean disposable promotional pens. And if your pen sucks, so does the impression it leaves. Especially when that impression is blotchy ink on someone’s good shirt.

No One Remembers Who Gave Them a Crap Pen

A cheap pen doesn’t build your brand—it erodes it. The customer doesn’t think, “What a lovely gesture.” They think, “This is useless.”

You’ve spent money putting your logo into someone’s hand. Now it’s in their bin. That’s 50 cents you paid to be forgotten.

Better Doesn’t Have to Mean Expensive

A well-made pen that writes smoothly, looks decent, and doesn’t snap in two? That’s a different game. It’s useful. It’s kept. It’s remembered.

You don’t need Montblanc. You just need something that doesn’t feel like a cereal box freebie.

🪪 The Lanyard Illusion

Bulk Doesn’t Equal Better

Everyone loves a bulk custom lanyards deal. You get 1,000 of the suckers for next to nothing. Hand them out at events, expos, launch nights. Everyone’s wearing one.

And then? They’re gone. Forgotten. Dumped in the hotel bin next to half-eaten canapés and regrets.

Your Lanyard Carries a Name Tag, Not Your Reputation

Lanyards are great—for about eight hours. But if they’re itchy, ugly, or made of plasticky crap, they’ll never see the light of day again.

That’s wasted potential. Especially when a slightly better material or design could turn it into something people reuse. People are asking: “What’s the best lanyard material?” Give them one worth Googling.

Make It Useful or Don’t Bother

Want it to work? Think about modular functions—cardholder pockets, detachable clips, keychain add-ons. Use soft-touch recycled fabric. Brand it like you mean it—subtle, smart, and not something you'd be embarrassed to wear.

Lanyards don’t have to be trash. But 90% of them are.

🍺 Stubby Coolers with a Lukewarm Reception

Australia’s Most Overdone Giveaway

Low cost stubby coolers might as well be the default Aussie merch item. Every local footy club, electrician, and community fundraiser has handed one out. And most of them suck.

Thin foam. Poor insulation. A logo that flakes off after two rounds. They feel like an afterthought. And guess what? So does your brand.

What Are Stubby Holders Made Of? (And Why It Matters)

People want to know what they’re made of—because they’ve felt the difference. Neoprene = keeps drinks cold and hands dry. Cheap foam? It’s soggy, splits, and shouts “budget.”

If your cooler’s not keeping things cool, it’s not doing its job. Which means your brand’s failing at a very basic promise.

Make Them Cool Again

Here’s what works: limited edition runs for events. Thick neoprene. Stitched seams. A design people wouldn’t be embarrassed to use.

Stubby coolers should be something they brag about at the BBQ—not something that melts in the glovebox.

⚠️ The Hidden Costs You Don’t See

Brand Erosion Is Real

72% of people say product quality affects how they see your brand. So if your item’s garbage, guess what they think about you?

Giving someone a bad experience—even from a free item—is still a bad experience. And in branding, feelings matter. A lot.

Crap Merch Kills Future Sales

More than 50% of people are more likely to do business with a brand that gives them a quality promo item. Flip that stat: if your stuff sucks, you’re pushing people away.

Cost Per Use > Cost Per Unit

A $0.50 pen that gets tossed? That’s 50 cents you paid to be forgotten. A $5 drink bottle that’s used 50 times? $0.10 per use—and your logo is seen every single time.

Cheap merch isn’t just cheap. It’s expensive in the long run.

💡 What Smart Merch Actually Looks Like

Function + Feel + Frequency

Want your gear to work? It needs:

• Function – Does something useful

• Feel – Feels good to hold, wear, or use

• Frequency – Shows up often in the customer’s day

Miss all three, and congrats—you’ve just sponsored tomorrow’s waste.

If It Doesn’t Live On Their Desk, Car, or Bag—It’s Not Working

You want your brand in people’s routines. Not in their junk drawer. Not in their “freebies” bag from that expo in 2019.

Useful merch sticks. That’s how you build recall. That’s how you build trust.

🔗 Link Break: In Case You Missed It

We went hard on this in our previous blog,
“Bin the Balloons, Upgrade Your Brand.”

We’re still yelling about it because brands keep flushing cash on junk no one wants.

If you’re still handing out filler, it’s time to change the game.

🚀 Final Call: Be Remembered—or Be Replaced

Bad merch doesn’t just waste money. It wastes opportunity.

Promotional products should be memorable. They should say something. They should last.

At Promo Punks, we don’t do junk. We don’t do filler. We do stuff that sticks. Stuff that gets used, shown off, and remembered.

So if your brand’s got something to say? Let’s say it with something worth holding onto.

👉 Chat with us and let’s ditch the junk.